i'm sorry ! i'm so damn sorry toward you my bloved , i'm kind da fall a part ,
i had .. no ! i must , yeah ! i must let go of you ,
it's the best for both of us .. i thought that we're fine , happy like those other couple but i'm so damn wrong !!  and maybe , maybe we can learn to love again .. but now !
sometimes i want you to stay with me but i think stay with me without loving each other is meaningless .. :')
but now it make me feel i wnt you bck , bck again .. with me now ! why it so hard to move on but say it so damn easy for me ..
missing you now ?? yeah :') , but getting bck to you now mybe not .. we both need to stay apart for a while and hope that someday we'll getting bck together as a couple tht love each other .. confuse with my own feeling towrd you ?? mybe .. so keep your distnce from me bcoz i'm not worth it ..

what if I didn't answer your call that day ??

sorry if i thought you a liar , a playboy , an unfaithful person and sometime I even thought that you're just playing with my feeling .. I was wrong .
if i didn't answer your call that night maybe i'll never knew that you had chge to be a better person but i'm so fucking scared of getting hurt again that way i thought that you're like that ..
each night I put my head to my pillow and I try to tell myself "I'm strong because I've gone one more day without thought that you'll leave me and stop loving me"  :')

One of the hardest part of my life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder to forget that feeling , 

i'm so tired of getting my heart broken again and again ..

i'm so sorry my beloved if sometime it's hard for me to say 'i love u' back ,

sometime i keep thinking that , 

Will you still love me tommorow? After I tell you what's going in my head, after I finally let myself crack open down a seething crack? Will you understand my pain, my heartache? Will you hold my hand through my nightmares, and run away with me when I can't fight them anymore? Will you hold me as I sob about all the crushed dreams, the stolen opportunities, the never-came-true wishes? Will you tuck me in at night and check my heart for monsters? Will you still love me, a ghost, a shell of a girl, a broken pathetic excuse for a person? Will you?

my heart hurt so much that make me feel so scare that if one day if i love you as much as you love me then you will leave me just like my previous relation :'[

maybe it's time for you to move on my dear sunshine,sit back and relax ..

get some time for yourself !

wake up my dear !

you waste your time waiting him to be such a gentleman guys !

he doesn't give a damn respect at you! woman !

you deserve a better man in your life !! 

yeah ! keep on waiting huh , then what will you get ! 

heartbroken ! damn that will you get ! 

so many post and all of it is just about that guys that you love so damn much !

just get him off from you head for awhile and think about your future !! 

if he love you , he'll find you back and realize that you're that ONE for HIM ! 

*FYI you're not alone , i'm always here .. you just nver realize ! 

k baiii    :) 

do you rmmber when every time both of us stroll we embrace each other like this :')

Suddenly i rmmbr our moment when we spending time together at coast ..
the time you already want to return to your homeland,tawau ..
i miss that moment .. :')

okeh ! bgus tdk pyh lh mahu b'couple kalau kamu msih rsa syg dgn org lain ..
pling ku fed up !
semua lh relation ku dlu2 msti si boipren ne sbuk ingt2 gf lma dorg n automatik lh konpom ku ne jdi kedua lh kn , alaa ! kedua dlm hati dea lh .. ishh !
ok , fine !
kalo bgtu bgus kmu cri blik tu prmpn n kamu tggu smpai dea khwin kh mti kh ..
dripda mnduakn couple kmu skrg .. urgh -__-'
prmpn ni prsaan dea sensitif skit , cpt cmbru n mdh trsa .
yahh !
kmi pn ingt jga sma bf yg lma2 nie tpi tdk lh smpai mahu mngejar cnta yg tdk kemna tu blik ..
move on lh !
hrgai org yg mncntai kmu skrg nie .. sekian :)

serius !
ku blh hdup tnpa kau  bh .. :D
bkn mahu ckp bsar lh tpi start kau abai kn aku dulu2 tu pn ku sdh blh bljr spya tdk mncntai kau spnuh ny ..
tu lh sbb ny sjak kau tggl kn aku , aku trsa ibarat beban yg ku pikul slma ni sdh tiada ! tiada ! :)
maka sptut ny dri dlu lgi,saat kau abai kn aku dlu lagi aku ptt tggl kn kau  ..
skrg tdk prlu kata kembali lgi krna aku blh hdup sndri tnpa kau , sekian :)

prshbtan , knngan lma msh trsemat d minda ku maka tdk thu ada kh mrka mngingti ny kh tdk ..

msh kh kmu ingt saat kta brplukn bgne , btga ! :')

fuhh ! ku msh ingt frst tme kta brpluk brtga , tme tuh d tndas skolah :D

gara2 slh fhm maka di akhiri dgn pndamaian .. 

syg dan rndu ku dgn kmu hnya tuhan sja tahu -_-'

smua knngan kta brtga msh trsemat d hati ku ..

kini msing2 memilih jln hdup sndri maka dulu2 brjnji akan sntiasa brsma2 mnghrungi hdup ini ,

jiem skrg nie tlh mnjdi seorg ibu dan istri yg soleha mnkala c megs hdup bhgia d smping bf ksygn ny ..

ku hrp kw , megs.. dpt khdupn yg sma mcm c jiem bhgia brsma org trsyg hgga akhr hyt , aminn ..

biar ku lihat kmu dri jauh tdk cntct asl kn ku thu kmu d jga olh org yg trsyg ..

sntiasa ku krim kn doa agar kmu sntiasa bhgia .. :) 

sekian .. 

*imissyou jiem & megs :') 

I miss this moment , I miss you,Dad !

what I use to call you ?? 

Dad? Bapa? Ayah? Daddy? Babah? Papa? wht ?? I cannot remember wht i use to call you -.-'

the only thing that I remember are when you use to bathed me that the only childhood memory that I remember .. 

*imissyou :')

I think i'm fine ,
My family think i'm fine ,
My friend think i'm fine ..
But I'm not !
I'm not fine at all ..
And I don't know how much longer I can pretend I'm fine =.='

imissyourhugs :')

17 thn kau tggl kn aku tnpa sbb ,

hnya 2 kali kau cari aku balik tpi sjak 18 thn aku rndu ksih syg dri kau !

kau bina hdup bru tnpa prstujuan dri kami ,

kmi hdup mndrta tnpa ksih syg dri kau ,

KNP !! KNP !!

mrka kau blh jga dan beri keselesaan hdup tpi kmi tdk !

smpai ke saat ne ..

istri yg tlh kau tggl kn ttp mncntai kau tpi kau sggp tggl kn ny !

hdup slma 19 thn maka 2 thn sja aku dpt rsa ksih syg dri kau AYAH !

akan ttpi 2 thn itu pn kau tdk pduli aku , ibrat kwjudan ku tdk ada mkna bgi kau kn , trma ksh !

kshtan kmi , khdupan kmi .. ada kau ambl tahu !

tiada , tiada !!

ptt kh ku mnghrgai kau ??

mngkin tdk slps apa kau laku kn trhdap seorg istri yg sggp mnunggu kau tnpa di beri nafkah maka kau madu kn dia tnpa prstujuan ny !

apa ku ptt mlutut dan mmnta pngampunan dri mu , maka tdk ! 

lbh baik aku mmnta keampunan dri TUHAN krna tdk dpt mnghrgai seorg ayah yg tlh dberikan NYA kpd ku ..

stlh apa yg tlh kau laku kn trhdp kmi mngkin tiada kata mf akn dpt mnghapuskn sgla pndrtaan yg kau bri kn ..

seorg ank yg mninggal yg ptt di kebumikn olh seorg ayah yg tlh mnwjudkn ny akan ttpi si AYAH sggp mmbiarkn ny tnpa d urus ..

5 wktu pn kau tnpa henti akan ttpi tggngjwb yg tlh kau abai kn slma 19 thn ! 

aku hrap TUHAN mnyedarkn kau sblum trlmbt , sekian .

disappear from family , friend , people .....
can i ??   =.='

sometimes

now plying :: MOCCA _ I REMMBER :')



*stop ! give me time to undrstnd all of this .. parts of me still keep thnking of you as my blved sister , megs ..


but you ................

OMG !
Finally i found bck my http://ladyrawksasha.tumblr.com/      :)

haishh ! -.-'
tba2 nda sdp hati ku smpai lh ku pegi chck n actved blik tuh twttr ..
ku nda sngka kw fkir ku mcm tu skli ..
thnks :')
smpai skrg kw nda phm ku maka ku sja mw kna fhm kmu kn ..
mmg mlut ku ne jhat , tpi kw lain ..
pa yg kw post2 tu mmg pling sakettt lh !!
ku tdk pnh pn pegi post bkn2 tpi kw ..
ptt lh mcm da urusn yg blum slsai rpa2 ny tu lh ursn blum slsai ..
sgla tduhan yg kw post  tu , hnya tuhan sja thu kbnran ny ..
trma ksh sgla tduhn kw tu  , k baii !


p/s : mls mw ckp pnjng lbr nnt d tduh lgi kc tw stu dunia !

it's a fact :')

yah ! stiap hri , stip msa , stiap saat , stiap detik .. 

ku cba yg smmpu yg blh mlupakn smua ny .. 

tpi ia sntiasa dtg mnghntui .. 

maka msa trhnti sktka dan ku kata kn 'kalau msa blh d ulng smula' ..

khdupn trdhlu sprti drama tpi realiti ny .. 

luka blh d ubt maka luka d msa lalu .. tiada pnawar .. 

trma ksh krna pnh teman kn ku d msa lalu ,

kini lebih baik ku sndri mngurus diri ku ..

mungkin dgn cra itu prsaan cmbru , slh fhm dpt di elak kn ..  k baii .